Parody — Jared Kushner Joins Saudi Royal Family

“They assured me they will conduct a complete, thorough investigation of all of the facts surrounding Mr. Khashoggi and will do so in a timely fashion. And that his report itself will be transparent.I told President Trump this morning that we ought to give them a few more days to complete that.”

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo

INTEL TODAY investigators suspect that this picture — discovered by Bellingcat researchers — may have been photoshopped. Firstly, it is no secret that Jared can’t grow a beard. But the whole story seems odd… According to a Middle East expert, “Keffiyah” has connotation of being more of a peasant’s garment. In the Gulf it’s a “ghutrah”. While similar, and not wrong in the technical sense, the social significance is very different. It’s weird to refer to the Saudi royals as wearing a kufiyah.

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA (October 21 2018) —In an effort to be completely transparent about his business deals, a bearded, keffiyeh-clad Jared Kushner announced Friday that he would avoid conflicts of interest by joining the Saudi royal family. Follow us on Twitter: @INTEL_TODAY

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As former FBI agent Ali H. Soufan observes, “Reality is getting closer and closer to The Onion these days.”

“The American people deserve to know exactly where I stand in regards to financial interests, so to be completely open and transparent, I will become a member of the House of Saud,” said Kushner, who will henceforth be known as Prince Jared bin Charles.

“In addition to renouncing my citizenship, I have decided to sell all of my U.S. properties, divorce my wife, and marry the eldest daughter of Prince Faisal bin Salman.

Furthermore, I have made a $2.5-million donation to the country’s most selective Wahhabist school to ensure the acceptance of my heirs.

Through all of this, I have been and will remain a senior advisor to President Trump.”

At press time, bin Charles reportedly drove off in a gold-plated 2019 Lamborghini Aventador.

REFERENCES

Bearded, Keffiyeh-Clad Jared Kushner Avoids Conflict Of Interest By Joining Saudi Royal Family — The Onion

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Parody — Jared Kushner Joins Saudi Royal Family

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