‘Who the hell was I working with then?’
Russian President Vladimir Putin (April 1 2019)
April 14 2019 — Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s independent probe has confirmed what Intel Today told you since day one: Russia Gate was a hoax and the Steele Dossier is a garbage document. This is a serious scandal which requires a major investigation. But… Thank God. It is Sunday! Follow us on Twitter: @INTEL_TODAY
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The Special Prosecutor literally became a religious figure during the last few years, with votive candles sold in his image and Saturday Night Live cast members singing “All I Want for Christmas is You” to him featuring the rhymey line: “Mueller please come through, because the only option is a coup.”
So, the news that Mueller came up with not a shred of evidence is a death-blow for the reputation of the American news media. Russiagate is this generation’s WMD!
But do not despair. There are still brave American journalists out there as this recent piece by the world renown reporters from The Onion demonstrates.
MOSCOW—Saying that he had been “totally blindsided” by the revelations from the recently released findings of the Mueller investigation, a shocked Vladimir Putin reportedly came to the realization Tuesday that he didn’t conspire with Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign after all.
“What the hell? I worked so hard on this—if I wasn’t colluding with the Trump campaign, who the hell was I colluding with?” said the dumbfounded Russian president, growing increasingly angry as he scrolled through his email inbox and recounted his numerous efforts at covert communication with individuals who he had thought were high-ranking Trump officials, but now he suspected were bots or anonymous internet trolls. “Man, it seemed so legit.
I can’t believe I let myself get conned like this. I spent so much time emailing back and forth with DonaldTrump46@hotmail.com about compromising the democratic voting process, and now it turns out it was all fake?
And we spent so much time gathering all that kompromat on the wrong people. Goddammit, I feel like I’ve wasted my life.”
At press time, Putin was frantically double-checking that Russia had assisted in propping up a dictator in Syria and not some other country.
Bill Barr: “I think spying did occur on Trump campaign”
On a more serious note… Attorney General William Barr believes the Obama administration spied on the Trump 2016 campaign.
Barr will create an internal Department of Justice team to investigate “controversial counterintelligence decisions” made by the DOJ and the FBI in the Russia probe, including those made by Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team.
“I think spying did occur, yes. I think spying did occur.”
“There were a lot of rules put in place to make sure that there’s an adequate basis before our law-enforcement agencies get involved in political surveillance.”
“I’m not suggesting that those rules were violated, but I think it’s important to look at that. And I’m not talking about the FBI necessarily, but intelligence agencies more broadly.”
The last sentence is probably a reference to the role played by the CIA and the NSA, as well as the help they received from foreign intelligence agencies such as GCHQ.
There is little doubt that former CIA director John Brennan is the mastermind of the Russiagate Hoax.
“Either we need a new election or hang Brennan for putting out disinformation,” former CIA operative Robert Baer told Newsweek in December 2016.
RussiaGate — Vlad Putin : “Who The Hell Was I Working With Then?” [Parody]